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It's navalgazing time!
Mar. 1st, 2026 07:39 pmWell once again I prove that I sort of suck at keeping my new years resolution but better late than never. The truth is, I am struggling right now. The state of the world aside, it's not even my work right now even though I am adrift in a sea of deadlines.
It's that I am in my mid 40's and what is depressingly common is that I am not sure about whether I will still be employed this time next year. That's right, not even having won a fellowship and a couple of other bids and somehow having some degree of seniority in one's field does not mean you have anything resembling job security. Why some people think that this is an acceptable way to treat researchers is beyond me.
I can assure you, having me spend a good 30 - 40% of my working time looking for bids, researching for bids on the off-chance I might be eligible given that I've aged out of Early Careers but no permanent position, which is so much fun since there is nothing quite like a funding kaiso trap.
There are fewer more tedious things than hearing about how your field of research is so important and then see that talk is cheap but actual funding is expensive.
As for motivation = a big fat NO. I still can lock in when I'm in the zone but there is nothing quite like the creeping feeling of apathy when you see nothing but uncertainty nevermind the absurdity of research on long-term infrastructure projects that somehow you are supposed to do in 6 month - 2 year increments. There is nothing quite like the feeling of being a fraudster when doing outreach about how awesome a life is in science when all you see is a cliff edge.
Rant over for now - I hope other people have more luck and some of that is contagious.
It's that I am in my mid 40's and what is depressingly common is that I am not sure about whether I will still be employed this time next year. That's right, not even having won a fellowship and a couple of other bids and somehow having some degree of seniority in one's field does not mean you have anything resembling job security. Why some people think that this is an acceptable way to treat researchers is beyond me.
I can assure you, having me spend a good 30 - 40% of my working time looking for bids, researching for bids on the off-chance I might be eligible given that I've aged out of Early Careers but no permanent position, which is so much fun since there is nothing quite like a funding kaiso trap.
There are fewer more tedious things than hearing about how your field of research is so important and then see that talk is cheap but actual funding is expensive.
As for motivation = a big fat NO. I still can lock in when I'm in the zone but there is nothing quite like the creeping feeling of apathy when you see nothing but uncertainty nevermind the absurdity of research on long-term infrastructure projects that somehow you are supposed to do in 6 month - 2 year increments. There is nothing quite like the feeling of being a fraudster when doing outreach about how awesome a life is in science when all you see is a cliff edge.
Rant over for now - I hope other people have more luck and some of that is contagious.
